Perdition is defined by Webster Merriam dictionary as, “Utter destruction, eternal damnation,” in other words hell.
With the new knowledge I have about my past I realize that my life is and has been in shambles for a while now. This is eerily similar to when I came out of my last severe depression episode about eight years ago that lasted for about three and a half years. My life then felt like it was in shambles, like a mirror that had broken into a million pieces and it was my job or rather punishment to try and piece it back together while explaining my mental and emotional (if not physical) hiatus for the past three and a half years.
I keep naturally trying to revert back to old habits, old ways of doing things. Why do I insist on doing things that may be detrimental even thought I now know better? I mean the self-destructive thinking patterns and self-hatred I have turned inwards towards myself for almost 31 years now? Because it is habit. As the saying goes, “Old habits are hard to break.” The good news is that the saying does not say or imply that it (old habits) are impossible to break. But habits, especially the bad or destructive ones do take constant vigilance of active reasoning skills that requires one to be cognizant much more. Think about it. Most people are not always cognizant of many or most of their everyday routines. Most people are not extremely aware of the intricacies of getting dressed in the morning, brushing your teeth, starting your daily work or weekend commutes, even if we need to be more vigilant (for safety’s sake).
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