I have always considered myself a helpful person, sometimes to my own detriment. I am not sure why but I always wanted others to be their best and maximize the quality of their lives. Ironically I have half-heartedly applied this idea to my own life. Maybe I wanted others to live to the fullest because I truly did not believe that I deserved the same. Maybe that is why for the past thirty some odd years that I have usually put others first. I have been a caregiver off and on for about 12 years now, forsaken any prospectively decent career opportunities. At times it is very frustrating to care for others. Partly because sometimes people are just people and they are not always looking out for their own interest, even when you are. I feel like I have wasted twelve years of my life, I feel and disgruntled at times because I convinced me that I was doing the right thing. If I felt better about me, I would have probably let this family member’s children pick up more of the slack as they should considering most are a bit older and have had their chances to focus on careers and become economically sound (if they chose to). I would stop putting me in the barrel with a bunch of crabs that constantly pull you back down when you try to get up and out. Maybe I could then focus on my life and my family because I am finally at a place where I am ready for motherhood. My husband and I are embracing the idea of starting a family. This means that I will need to take care of me first and let the cards fall where they may.
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